I often get confused and found dissatisfied after a session of phone usage. I usually watch Youtube and Instagram to pass down my time but the content I consume mostly is something I find leaves me entertained but after then a weird feeling arrives.
What I usually watch
I have been watching Youtube since my school days so it leaves a major impact in my growing up, from watching Tech related stuff to Pewdiepie, it gave me a perspective which got absorbed and shaped my character. But I often feel that most of time I spent over there gave me hollow experiences.
- Tech videos from which I might never buy but sees it to be in vogue, is something I feel that needed to be stop. Most of it leaves me in the loop of liking it but couldn't having it so seeing them gives me a empty feel after a while. Obviously It can act as a desire which I can use as a tool to fulfill but I do not think that it has worked like that since long. Smartphone which i want to have can't be bought until I have the money for it, the camera looks great in someone's hand but what I already have is left to eat dust.
- Got Talent gave me a second hand perspective of how consistency with hard work can pave success which I also want to have. But since I am seeing the success being actualised so easily, I am sneakily bypassing "the suck" part which the person has gone through to be in this position. I envy success but the hard work to reach there felt sidetracked.
- Pewdiepie is someone whom I watched for long, seeing him getting grown up is like something I would also want to have but again these are second hand experiences I am talking about. Having a lovely partner and a house is something I want. His videos definitely gives me hope but I get satisfied seeing him enjoy rather than working on myself to have it.
- Health related video is something I can say that pulled my cart to a good direction, being able to understand how and what made me capable to eat mindfully. Obviously I am in a zone of being Hypochondriac but still I feel that it aids wellbeing which I can say is positive.
Reason of watching
- Primarily is to gain knowledge around the stuff that are happening so to make sense to this moving world, since Knowledge kicks Dopamine pretty hard, it feels like I am having a great time.
- The sense of loneliness makes me to grab low hanging fruit which can keep me going in life.
- The envy factor of having the things what they have, mainly what shown in Tech videos, gives me a hope of owning it.
Why it's important to change this habit
- To make my knowledge streamline, I need to shift towards being Master of One from Jack of all traits so to have a monetised skillset.
- So to give my Monkey Mind a big banana so that it'll be less distracted to other small ones.
- I need to be accountable in my life in various ways, I can't be dependent till the age of 30.
- A desperate change is needed to rewire my brain for seeking of Dopamine of better kinds.